Habits of Highly Effective Parenting – Fifth Habit
Habits of highly effective parenting is a helpful parenting program for all parents. In this article, I will dwell upon the fifth habit or rule or guideline that we need to bring into play if we desire to be an effective parent and of course, to ensure that our child grows up into a healthy and responsible human being.
The fifth habit relates to the following aspect:
Yes, I am a parent. Being a parent, I know how difficult it is to treat the child with the same standard of behavior as others. How difficult it is to treat a child who has behavioral problems or learning disability in the same way as you treat the other siblings.
A parent is bound to get partial and lenient and expect every one to bend their rules, including school, to let the child go further without expecting him or her to perform at the required standard.
But the universal law does not permit this. Nor does the reality of life allow the child to go scot free when he or she grows up and steps into the adult world. The child will have to deal with the real world and be successful on his own merit and capability.
All children are not born equal nor they develop in the same way. Learning abilities will always show the difference in their growth. But academic success is one thing while social behavior and following cultural norms is another thing.
A child with academic difference will end up taking up a career more appropriate to his ability and passion. But if the child is allowed to misbehave or throw temper tantrums or disrespect elders or use other human beings for his material needs, this cannot be acceptable.
The parent will need to make the child realize that there is consequence for every decision, every behavior.
The consequences will have to be borne by the child.
No one can help him in this regard when he grows up in the real world. He will be expected to deal with people, deal with situations, solve problems as they arise and be capable of handling stress and strains that life will throw at him.
The parent has to remember one aspect very clearly and consciously. Every one in this world will have to deal with the problem. Life is made up of problems. There cannot be a life without the problem. Otherwise, there will be no growth in life.
A disciple once asked his master. “Will I die if I fall into the water?” The master was a zen master. He replied, ‘No, my child, you will not die if you fall into the water. You will die if you do not come out of the water.’
Every child, every person will have to get into the water if one wants to cross the river. One cannot reach the other side of the shore, which is the destination, without getting in touch with the water. The water is an inevitable aspect.
The problem is a necessary part of life. Without problem, there is no opportunity, without a breakdown, there cannot be a breakthrough and without crisis, there cannot be leap in future for a better life.
The child with behavioral problem will have to be dealt with the same was as other children. He must be educated to realize that all causes have effects. No one can run away from that.
If done appropriately, as mentioned in the other habits, the child will get it.
He will understand that freedom and responsibility go hand in hand. One cannot enjoy the freedom without taking on the pleasure of owning the responsibility as well.
In essence, this series is all about giving the child the ability to respond. Teach the child to come out of the water, every time he falls into the water. Successfully.
